Body Dysmorphia

I’ve been NOT liking my body ever since my Aunt told me I was fat, I was very young. I thought I had BD, but after taking this unofficial test… I may have to rethink a few things.

My hubby calls me sexy, desirable, and a veritable¬†buffet of scrumptious… well, you know. ūüėČ

But I’ve not liked what I see in the mirror for so long, I think it’s become a habit.

Here is the unofficial test: BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER TEST

As always, if you answer yes to most of these, seek professional help/diagnosis.

We women can be a fickled bunch! Just be the best YOU! NO ONE can beat you at that!

…Learned To Be Content…

Philippians 4:9 Whatever you have learned and received and heard from me, and seen in me, put these things into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. 10 Now I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned,but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this out of need, for I have learned to be content regardless of my circumstances.

To be honest, my actions of late haven’t been very gracious. My personal Facebook page is littered with my anger and frustration.
It does not escape me that verse 9 tells you to practice what you’ve learned, received and heard from me. Well, apologies, my actions may not be pleasing to the Father. I must work on that. Which, as I continue to read this portion of scripture is WHY I don’t have peace.

At the start of the year, I told myself that I was going to just be content ~ in ALL thing. It lasted about one day. I am brooding and moody. My sleep is disturbed. My appetite is off and my world, my sphere of influence is being affected by it.
Don’t misunderstand, I have reason to be those things and yet I know I cannot stay here, in this funk.

My head hurts. My gut is in knots. I want to pour my guts out to you here, in this forum, but I won’t. It will not help anything.
I am learning to be content whether I am abase or abound.
In all of this my hubby is my rock always, lifting me up, praying over me. I enjoy that he doesn’t pretend to understand, if he does not. I enjoy that he offers words of wisdom when he does. I am blessed in this area.

I must take this one, minute by minute. I am learning to be content. I will, in my baby steps, stumble fall, get up, take some steps, stumble fall, get up, walk a few feet, try to run, stumble, fall, get back up… you get the gist.

I have to cast my care, because most of what’s bothering me, I CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT.
James 1:4 ~ Let endurance have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

In all of this I must remember that the kids are watching me.

We Fall Down by Donnie McClurkin

Stressed, thy name is Desserts…

We’ve all seen it, “stressed is desserts backwards” or my personal favorite, “Too blessed to be stressed!”

Well the truth is, when you’re experiencing stress, no amount of cute sayings will help to lessen it.

The core of my stress is children. They are 15, 13, 11, 10, 5, and 1. At this moment the screaming is about ice that has been spilled onto the floor. Yes, it would be simpler to just pick it up, but the 11 year old has chosen to scream him into submission, which NEVER works.

The 13 and 10 year olds are, just boys, in every sense, both vying to be the alpha. Both suffer from television hypnotic coma symptomatic disease.

I am trying to live healthily, so dessert is out of the question. I consider myself a child of God, so in my head I know I’m blessed….. it’s just that certain circumstances challenge my faith on the regular.

Oh and did I say, that while my 15 year old does not cause me the usual teen issues, she is, however, challenging. She, in her own mind, knows EVERYTHING. Yes, I know, I was her age once upon a time many, many, moons ago.sigh

So, I can’t have dessert and yes, I need to get back to the Clean Eating plan. This year has been tragically tragic for my family.

Locking myself in the bathroom, watching the finger spider appear under the door, amuses me and yes, it does take the edge off.

If you know someone who seems even a little bit stressed, offer them more than a hug (and definitely more than a cute platitude). Offer to do something that will help them, pay a bill, watch a child, heck hire a sitter and take your friend for coffee or tea (not Starbucks, that in itself is another kind of stress). And know that sometimes all we really need is sleep, 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep!

The toddler giggles in the distance as I typed the last sentence, laugh out loud, chuckle.

Anywho, the next few weeks are stressful all on their own, so please be aware that the grumpy person may have a lot going on……. Thanks President Trump….. um… I just threw up a little….. sigh…….

Me encanta el pan

 

I’m using an amazing app called Duolingo¬†to chip the rust off of what I know about the Spanish language. I must say that it is truly helping me to remember and learn new things. It is set up like a game and yes you gain points that can be used to purchase other areas of the language. I have just unlocked Idioms. I’m excited!

Idioms: a group of words established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of the individual words (e.g., rain cats and dogs, see the light ).

It is my goal to learn one new thing each year, ON PURPOSE, after turning 50 years old. 2016, it’s to become proficient in the Spanish language. So much so, I can hold a (brief) conversation that consists of more than “Yo necessito un bano.” or ¬†“Donde esta un bano”.

My new favorite phrase is, “Yo soy caballo y yo habla ingles” LOL. There is also a lot of weirdness going on there also: “El raton comes pajaro.” WHAT THE HECK KIND OF RAT EATS BIRDS?!?!?!?! There are “Caballos comiendo pan. Which I might add is far less disconcerting than picturing Mr. Raton having a poultry meal!

So, 2017 will see me learning to play the Dulcimer. I love the sound and it would be cool to also see my Nana buddy (grandson) play it. Much to my dismay, he plays a mean harmonica, has been for a couple of years, he 5 now.( I’ve always wanted to play it, but struggled with my inability to do so and being told to stop;) I suppose he does these things because no one has told him he can’t. He is, in his own words, “afraid of nothing”.

Which is far different than how I was raised. There were just some thing a little sorta black girl from central Alabama just cannot do. Oh, she can attempt it, but it just won’t work. SIGH My Nana babies will be all that they can be without the military. Know Jesus Know Peace

I will learn to play Spanish songs first. There’s one I heard for the first time today, that I’ll share with you, just because I think it’s pretty. It’s called ”¬†Amor Eterno sung by Juan Gabriel

I will one day roll my “r” as if I was born speaking Spanish.

Adios, mi amigo!

LIFE….HAPPENS and then….

So many things going through my head right now. I’m hungry, tummy growling, need to eat, but don’t know what I want ~ so I’ll probably make some popcorn hungry.

I am self reflecting about the things that have happened since I last wrote, I suppose this is therapy, a cleansing of the heart and mind of sorts.
As an author, every circumstance is basis for a book and yet I’ve found myself too tired or stressed to write.

Death visited last month.

Life happens…. and then we go on. It’s not simple by a long shot, but we can’t stop. I have too many people depending on me.
Thank the LORD for my precious hubby! He has been a rock during all of this. He is ever sensitive to my heart and takes very good care of it. He washes me in the water of the WORD and this re-enforces the peace that passes all understanding. He protects my heart! I love that! It makes me feel so very blessed!

I’ve dreamed many dreams over the past many days. Oddly, I dreamed about an old boyfriend, one I’ll always consider my first love ~ well, as much love as a 13 year old can imagine. In truth, he was very much a part of my Psyche until I was in my mid 40s…wrote a book about… it’s on Amazon. It’s mostly fiction, but the heart of it was about him. My first kiss. My first almost sexual experience… long sad story.
He wasn’t THE ONE. He was unfaithful through the entire relationship. He was angry when I let go and I had to let go, because I didn’t like who I was with him AND YET… the very essence of him colored or rather stained my life, spilling over into every decision I made concerning love and relationships. It was brutal! I made horrible choices.
This is why I never wanted my daughters to date…..oops! Apologies! That rabbit trail was longer than I needed it to be. But, Life happened… and I am now with my forever husband. He is healing to my heart!

It would be so very easy to just allow the circumstance to dictate how I live my life right now. But, my faith, which is the substance of things hoped for AND the evidence of things not yet seen WILL NOT ALLOW IT.

I cannot throw stones at anyone, because I am NOT perfect…just forgiven. Donald Trump’s rhetoric bothers me as does Hilary Clinton’s. I am feeling the Bern and yet I still don’t feel I have a clear choice in either arena. There are a couple of independents I like, but Georgia isn’t inclusive in that way, politically. SIGH

Life happens and I won’t move to Canada if the Don becomes President. I will however become more aware of my surroundings. It will be the 60’s for me again, a culture of bigotry.

I will be amused at Bill’s antics if by some chance Hilary is elected.

Bernie is a conundrum, a clean slate for me. I’m not even certain of what that means in my head. I just pray he doesn’t drop out.

Life… how we live it…is a series of choices and consequences… If…then…either…or.

My tummy isn’t growling anymore. I made myself some chicken nuggets,(cut the chicken breast, seasoned, breaded, and fried them myself) with fries. The whole process¬†took about 30 minutes.

Did I say that I am also trying to eat cleaner than in the past? Well I am and I am down 2 pant sizes… moving quickly towards 3 sizes down. YAY! ME!

Well, thanks for listening. I needed that release. You’re a wonderful listener! I promise not to stay away so long in the future, but then I’ve made that promise before and well, LIFE happens……….

 

A little….

…each day.

We tell people that time heals… a little each day.

We tell writers to write a little each day.

One day at a time; A little each day…. sigh

In this microwave world, minutes can feel like an eternity!

Today, I’m making every effort to slow done and smell the roses are little EVERYDAY. I’m going to spend 15 minutes alone with myself EVERYDAY.

We seem to make time for the hard things, why not encourage one another to take time for the GOOD things?

And while you’re at it, take the time to leave a comment, however short, on every blog you took the time to read EVERYDAY, EVERY TIME …… we authors can be an insecure bunch! ūüėČ

Kindergeld…. I need some….NOW!!

Kindergeld   РKinder === child(ren) geld === $$$$

They are giving an increase and making certain that Child Support isn’t being doubly paid to anyone.
Reading the site gave me pause and a thought of moving back to West Germany. I first heard of Kindergeld while stationed there and considering citizenship. I was disenchanted with all things America and my marriage at the time. So it sounded good. They take care of their people in many ways, far better than we privileged Americans do.

I have to stop reading the site. SIGH. They call it a benefit. Americans, unaware of the origin, call it a handout. I remember that there was a sense of pride when speaking of the Geld. While in contrast, Americans are made to feel ashamed about the need for assistance.

isn’t it odd? The use of words? Benefit. Assistance. Handout.

THE NEW DEAL, the first of its kind has been ripped to shreds in the quest for, for, (I haven’t found the correct words).
Herbert Hoover (R)was president when the Crash occurred but felt that the government should not become overly involved in helping individuals dealing with economic troubles. However, this changed with the election of Franklin Roosevelt (D). He worked to create numerous programs through his New Deal to help those affected worst by the Depression. American History/About.com

Does it sound as if I’m rambling? Well, maybe I am. I’m so saddened by the group of people running for President, The Leader of the Free World, that I’m truly trying to make sense of it. I have to vote. It’s my honor and right as an American. I’m just saddened when it appears that other countries take better care of their citizens. I’m done with the entire congress! I also think that I’m verklempt about the Obama’s having to leave the White House. First, allow me to say, I’m not discussing politics, policies, etc. I just enjoy them as a couple, as a family. They’re like that one couple you see all the time and they just make you smile. They have cute kids and no craziness. The only difference is, they live in a sort of fish bowl ~ everyone has an opinion of them.
WOW! Anywho, (I’m off that rabbit trail)
This time around, the entire thing feels like someone died and now every Tom, Dick, and Mary wants to fill the opening. It is distressing! And he who’s name I won’t mention here has never been a favorite of mine. I so want to say, “You’re Fired!” and watch him be tossed out on his bottom. Again, sigh.

Oh, well, I’m not moving to Germany. I’m here in the cradle of the south ~ where slavery has a new facade and second class citizens had better know their place.

p.s. I did not proof read this… I’m far too tired to do so….

Me

I wrote a book. It is listed for sale on www.Amazon.com. There is a travel book listed on Amazon, by a lady named Paula Searcy, but it’s not me….at least, I don’t think it’s me.
It is also listed on www.barnesandnoble.com.
It can also be found on Lulu.com.

There are other books, written by me, for sale on Lulu.

As you can see, I am feeling “some type of way”. SIGH

Please purchase a book that was written by me. Thank you in advance!

paula d searcy, a.k.a Rupert Flagg

I also have a FaceBook Fan page – Paula Rupert Flagg Searcy.

I have approved this shameless ad! giggling!

Promises…..

Simple Definition of promise

Popularity: Top 10% of words
  • : a statement telling someone that you will definitely do something or that something will definitely happen in the future

  • : an indication of future success or improvement

  • : a reason to expect that something will happen in the future

An eternally binding act of hooking pinky fingers together in an attempt to seal the deal of a promise that has been made.
Facebook 2016 is proving to be just as “simple” as its always been. I’ve seen posts that cause me laughter. I have even shared those with my friends.
It’s my goal to not spend so much time on Facebook, but I’m not certain that that goal will be attainable for me, because I’m truly not making much effort to stay off of it.There are other posts… preachy ones…(groan); political ones…. very often from friends I like who don’t seem to share my point of view about anything Barack Obama… who in my opinion has been a very good example of leadership. Again, I am entitled to MY opinion. I am subscribed to his twitter feed(I hope it continues after he leaves office)
There are other posts, ones that have prompted this blog. It has to do with the entire idea of promises.
Three of my adult Facebook friends received “Promise Rings”. The relationships are more than a year long. I’ve stared at the posts and then I asked myself, “Why would a man, over the age of¬†21, give his girlfriend¬†a promise ring? I believe all three relationships are sexual… no judgement… just a belief. (We’re just going to lay here with our clothes on.., which is as silly as “I’m just gonna put the head in…”)
Then I realized that I was a little angry. All three are strong beautiful women, so why would a promise ring be enough to cause them to post it to social media?
In truth, one other woman received a ring for Christmas… she didn’t post it, but showed it to me, with the comments…”He gave me a ring. Jewelry is always nice!” So I asked, “Is it a promise ring?” She shot me a look…”Girl please… what is he promising? Not to piss me off?” We both giggled.
I suppose my anger is because I believe that the other three relationships are all wrong… (don’t even get me started) BUT, neither of them asked my opinion on their relationships. I’m just venting in hopes that someone, somewhere, would grasp what I’m saying…. if after 12 months, 365 days, he isn’t certain he can go all of the way… drop him. Unless that’s all you want. I believe a promise ring states that he’s happy with the way things are, he’s just making a small deposit to keep the “account/legs” open.
I know that the Millionaire Matchmaker says, “No sex, without monogamy.”BUT, I believe that true monogamy only comes with true commitment. BUT then, it’s just my opinion. If you like it, I love it! (er, not truthfully)
I’m trying to raise my daughter/granddaughters with a sense of self worth that would cause them to respect themselves. I want them to believe that sex before marriage is cheating on their eternal husband.

I wish someone had taken the time to tell me just how much sex affects the psyche. (the human soul, mind,and/or spirit).

I don’t know, I believe that a pinky swear would have been a better.

Certified Couch Avocado

I watch a LOT of television. So much so I have deemed myself a “Certified Couch Avocado¬†“. Avocados are far healthier than potatoes. Enough said.

My favorite new show this season is “Stalker“. I enjoy the originality of it. And to date, I am a couple of episodes behind, my eyes haven’t been assaulted by graphic sex scenes. I am pleasantly surprised by the hunt for ratings through talent and good writing.(This has been canceled)

Now, sadly, there are shows in Shondaland that have caught my eyes also, most recently “How To Get Away With Murder“. I am an on again, off again “Grey’s Anatomy” fan and I must say that the recent turn of events caused me to smile… no spoilers here. There is SEX is Shondaland… LOTS of it. EVERYWHERE … I set the DVR and watch it when the kids are outside or asleep. I have never watched “Scandal“. It just never appealed to me.
Yes “Blacklist” in on my list. Red is the man!

Well, just so you know… I found this post in the draft folder. I no longer watch “HTGAWM”, or “GA”.
Netflix has become my new friend. It’s better than ON DEMAND because I don’t like commercials.

Any-who, I do still watch television… nothing considered “wholesome” in the line-up. “Survivor’s Remorse” “Being Mary Jane” “The Mysteries of Laura” “Mom” and of course there are those I watch almost grudgingly, though I’m not certain why: “Empire” is first on this list. I don’t happen to think Jussie/Jamal can sing. It’s like a bad Michael impression. I am, I must admit, in deep like with the entire Cookie/Lucious dynamic. I know it’s because of “Hustle & Flow“. It’s like the movie was continued and we see that he made it even after being jacked for his music. Shug and Djay made it y’all! I don’t watch this in real time… On Demand works, I can mute Jamal/commercials. Second on this list is: “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” I sometimes set the DVR for this one… but more often than not, I just watch on demand. The new batch of detectives are “soft and whiny”.

 

Well, enough of that…. Red is still the man!