Body Dysmorphia

I’ve been NOT liking my body ever since my Aunt told me I was fat, I was very young. I thought I had BD, but after taking this unofficial test… I may have to rethink a few things.

My hubby calls me sexy, desirable, and a veritable¬†buffet of scrumptious… well, you know. ūüėČ

But I’ve not liked what I see in the mirror for so long, I think it’s become a habit.

Here is the unofficial test: BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER TEST

As always, if you answer yes to most of these, seek professional help/diagnosis.

We women can be a fickled bunch! Just be the best YOU! NO ONE can beat you at that!

A little….

…each day.

We tell people that time heals… a little each day.

We tell writers to write a little each day.

One day at a time; A little each day…. sigh

In this microwave world, minutes can feel like an eternity!

Today, I’m making every effort to slow done and smell the roses are little EVERYDAY. I’m going to spend 15 minutes alone with myself EVERYDAY.

We seem to make time for the hard things, why not encourage one another to take time for the GOOD things?

And while you’re at it, take the time to leave a comment, however short, on every blog you took the time to read EVERYDAY, EVERY TIME …… we authors can be an insecure bunch! ūüėČ

Kindergeld…. I need some….NOW!!

Kindergeld   РKinder === child(ren) geld === $$$$

They are giving an increase and making certain that Child Support isn’t being doubly paid to anyone.
Reading the site gave me pause and a thought of moving back to West Germany. I first heard of Kindergeld while stationed there and considering citizenship. I was disenchanted with all things America and my marriage at the time. So it sounded good. They take care of their people in many ways, far better than we privileged Americans do.

I have to stop reading the site. SIGH. They call it a benefit. Americans, unaware of the origin, call it a handout. I remember that there was a sense of pride when speaking of the Geld. While in contrast, Americans are made to feel ashamed about the need for assistance.

isn’t it odd? The use of words? Benefit. Assistance. Handout.

THE NEW DEAL, the first of its kind has been ripped to shreds in the quest for, for, (I haven’t found the correct words).
Herbert Hoover (R)was president when the Crash occurred but felt that the government should not become overly involved in helping individuals dealing with economic troubles. However, this changed with the election of Franklin Roosevelt (D). He worked to create numerous programs through his New Deal to help those affected worst by the Depression. American History/About.com

Does it sound as if I’m rambling? Well, maybe I am. I’m so saddened by the group of people running for President, The Leader of the Free World, that I’m truly trying to make sense of it. I have to vote. It’s my honor and right as an American. I’m just saddened when it appears that other countries take better care of their citizens. I’m done with the entire congress! I also think that I’m verklempt about the Obama’s having to leave the White House. First, allow me to say, I’m not discussing politics, policies, etc. I just enjoy them as a couple, as a family. They’re like that one couple you see all the time and they just make you smile. They have cute kids and no craziness. The only difference is, they live in a sort of fish bowl ~ everyone has an opinion of them.
WOW! Anywho, (I’m off that rabbit trail)
This time around, the entire thing feels like someone died and now every Tom, Dick, and Mary wants to fill the opening. It is distressing! And he who’s name I won’t mention here has never been a favorite of mine. I so want to say, “You’re Fired!” and watch him be tossed out on his bottom. Again, sigh.

Oh, well, I’m not moving to Germany. I’m here in the cradle of the south ~ where slavery has a new facade and second class citizens had better know their place.

p.s. I did not proof read this… I’m far too tired to do so….

Promises…..

Simple Definition of promise

Popularity: Top 10% of words
  • : a statement telling someone that you will definitely do something or that something will definitely happen in the future

  • : an indication of future success or improvement

  • : a reason to expect that something will happen in the future

An eternally binding act of hooking pinky fingers together in an attempt to seal the deal of a promise that has been made.
Facebook 2016 is proving to be just as “simple” as its always been. I’ve seen posts that cause me laughter. I have even shared those with my friends.
It’s my goal to not spend so much time on Facebook, but I’m not certain that that goal will be attainable for me, because I’m truly not making much effort to stay off of it.There are other posts… preachy ones…(groan); political ones…. very often from friends I like who don’t seem to share my point of view about anything Barack Obama… who in my opinion has been a very good example of leadership. Again, I am entitled to MY opinion. I am subscribed to his twitter feed(I hope it continues after he leaves office)
There are other posts, ones that have prompted this blog. It has to do with the entire idea of promises.
Three of my adult Facebook friends received “Promise Rings”. The relationships are more than a year long. I’ve stared at the posts and then I asked myself, “Why would a man, over the age of¬†21, give his girlfriend¬†a promise ring? I believe all three relationships are sexual… no judgement… just a belief. (We’re just going to lay here with our clothes on.., which is as silly as “I’m just gonna put the head in…”)
Then I realized that I was a little angry. All three are strong beautiful women, so why would a promise ring be enough to cause them to post it to social media?
In truth, one other woman received a ring for Christmas… she didn’t post it, but showed it to me, with the comments…”He gave me a ring. Jewelry is always nice!” So I asked, “Is it a promise ring?” She shot me a look…”Girl please… what is he promising? Not to piss me off?” We both giggled.
I suppose my anger is because I believe that the other three relationships are all wrong… (don’t even get me started) BUT, neither of them asked my opinion on their relationships. I’m just venting in hopes that someone, somewhere, would grasp what I’m saying…. if after 12 months, 365 days, he isn’t certain he can go all of the way… drop him. Unless that’s all you want. I believe a promise ring states that he’s happy with the way things are, he’s just making a small deposit to keep the “account/legs” open.
I know that the Millionaire Matchmaker says, “No sex, without monogamy.”BUT, I believe that true monogamy only comes with true commitment. BUT then, it’s just my opinion. If you like it, I love it! (er, not truthfully)
I’m trying to raise my daughter/granddaughters with a sense of self worth that would cause them to respect themselves. I want them to believe that sex before marriage is cheating on their eternal husband.

I wish someone had taken the time to tell me just how much sex affects the psyche. (the human soul, mind,and/or spirit).

I don’t know, I believe that a pinky swear would have been a better.

RE: A post from Sept 2010 by Single Dad Laughing

¬†I didn’t read the entire post as the writer asked I must admit I skipped from page one to page three of the very long post. I am very aware that opinion pieces are just that opinion pieces.

I’m responding in this way because I wondered what was truly going on in the situation between the quote “bad dad” unquote and the son who appeared to be broken. Before I get into that, I want to recall a couple of memories I have from my mommy files:
¬†First, My son has always been high energy. He’s far better now than he’s every been, but there are still challenges. The incident I want to share happened in a thrift store, with freshly painted/polished floors ~ CONCRETE floors. So I corralled the kids, gave them the lecture (you know the one), put the smallest of them in a cart and placed the hands of the older ones on the cart and off we went. My son began to skip and bounce, which gave me visions of his head against that floor, so I spoke to him, face to face, asked for confirmation of info upload (he nodded) and off we went. Well there must have been a memory dump that I missed because he let go of the cart and began to repeat the unwanted actions. The next few minutes, I reminded, I threatened, I put him in the cart, he cried, begged, I relented and took him out. I saw the looks we were getting, so I decided to cut the trip short. So there we were, standing in line waiting to check out, My son once again lets go of the cart, and seconds later, his head hit the floor, hard! I didn’t move. I looked down, checking his face, assessing the degree of injury, I saw his face register the pain. I saw his memory kick in and I said, “See, I told you that would happen. Now do you understand?” He got up nodding and grabbed my hand. The lady behind me voiced her opinion of my parenting skills (unfavorable) and the lady behind her corrected her stating that she’d heard me telling him he’d fall for the past five minutes. Once we got home, he got an ice pack and snuggles. Did the incident change his outside behavior? Yes.
The next was in an airport with my toddler daughter who stated she needed to go to the bathroom. I sent her with her big sister to the bathroom. This occurred three times in about 15 minutes. On the fourth request from the toddler, my eldest, now very frustrated, said that she wasn’t using the bathroom, she was just going in to play in the water and flush the toilet. ¬†So the next 5, 6, 7th requests went ignored. Upon the 8th request I asked her if she truly had to go potty, she said yes. I said okay, let’s go and reached for her hand. She shook her head and asked for her sister to take her. I said nope, she’d have to go with me or not at all. She climbed into the chair and sat down, so I sat down and began to feed the baby ~ this must have been her Que because she began to jump up and down and yell, “I need to go potty!” I handed the baby to my eldest and stood up. My middle child began to scream louder and not allow me to take her hand, so I sat down (we’re in the airport) and she continued to scream that she had to go to the bathroom. I said calmly, “I will take you, but you’re going to calm down and take my hand.” She stomped her foot and told me no, she wanted to go with her sister. So I made a decision to not carry her kicking and screaming to the bathroom. I sat back and she ran toward the bathroom. My eldest caught her and as she was bringing her back, a lady who’d only been there for about 5 minutes angrily spat out, “Let the girl go to the bathroom before I go get someone about this!” My response to the lady wasn’t nice. I’m not proud. The exchange caused my daughter to sit down and get quiet.

My son has been chastised many times in public and at home. My daughter is now a mom. My son, now 11, isn’t broken. My daughter isn’t broken. While I understand what he thinks he saw 4 years ago, I wish he’d have taken the time to check what was going on. Child welfare checks are easy. People will respond in a way that will show you who they are as parents and people. Children, at their worst are genius Sociopaths only concerned about their needs and wants. So if you see a situation you’re not certain of or if you see more anger than you feel is necessary, say something. There is a point in which discipline becomes abuse, everyone’s line is in a different place. Each child is different and therefore requires different levels of everything. ABUSE IS NEVER DISCIPLINE!

Sigh … I’ve spoken to many an angry parent and for the most part felt the anger subside. Just don’t be so quick to judge without all of the facts. Do not be afraid to tell someone if you believe a child is being abused.
I saw a toddler verbally abusing his mother, she was quietly admonishing him with kind words, calling him sweetie and such. A man the boy called Grampa walked over and pinched the boy on the leg while saying something in the boy’s ear. I saw pain register on the boy’s face. I saw him nod. The older man kept talking. A lady walked past, summed up what she thought was going on and began to make loud statements, which is her right, I suppose to assess the situation. This brought the mom back to the cart. She placed herself between the boy and the older man. She looked from the lady to me and tried to smile. I said, “That’s a good Grampa.” She smiled and walked away.

Point of view is everything! “Only believe half of what you see, some or none of what you hear.”

Here is the post to which I’m responding: SDL¬†. I am reminded of my mother, who used to discipline other people’s children. She once grabbed a little boy for cursing at his mother in a McDonald’s Restaurant. No one ever stopped her or called the police. I don’t think it would work in today’s society.
I’m off my soapbox. No intent to offend. Rude and nasty comments will be deleted.

Chronicle of an ex-Church Girl/Lady

Today is Sunday. I didn’t go to church. I didn’t even sign in to an on-line service and there are a lot of those. I’m looking for a Pastor who is starkly in the middle of¬†Osteen (motivational) and Shambach (no nonsense fire and brimstone). It would seem that the “heavy weights” of Kingdom work have all gone to Rejoice in Paradise. There used to be men and women of God who could speak for about 10 minutes and despense enough spiritual food for an entire week! I remember E V Hill did the eulogy for his wife and I was moved to try to become a better wife.

I miss the WORD, “rightly divided”. There are Sunday morning cheerleaders that truly show every sign that they’ve spent time studying and seeking the LORD’s wisdom, but the yelling just makes me tired and I can’t seem to remember and therefore apply what I’ve learned in practical ministry.
Just let me say that I’ve never been able to follow, or willing remain in the church where the Pastor is a “whooper”, you know those ones who make odd noises and foam at the mouth. SIGH

I’ve been to a few churches here, in my new home. The first had the word delivered in a beautiful teaching way, but the worship was tech-no that could be heard in the next state AND the kids did not like the children’s church. They complained of not being able to hear and it was always cold. No mid week Bible Study here, Life groups were the order of business. I received an email asking for more info about myself so that they could place me in the appropriate Life group … I will always believe that this statement, “I know who I am in Him.” is what prompted this response : “Good luck in your search for a new church home.” end of story. No further emails or responses to mine were sent.
The next one had better worship, but it wasn’t “free”. The whole worship team appeared frightened and I will not comment on the teaching, suffice to say that this is why the Bible tells us to study the word for ourselves. The kids however, LOVED the children’s church and could tell us what they’d learned in the lesson. It was a Wednesday night “Bible” study that sealed the deal for me. I won’t give a blow by blow, but one of the other attendees said this to the Pastor, “I won’t allow you to shake my faith.” end quote

NEXT …¬†sigh …um, a small church body, very new, loved the LORD, worship and the word was good as new church with few members can be. It was family. Movie nights, couples night, etc. Now, at this point I’m not certain if this was great church or a Ritz ( old joke) so I took it slowly, the came the stay within the lines bible study. I sat in the seat and felt the tears come to my eyes… I didn’t go any more. I am NOT a fan of religion.

The last and most recent ~ was referred to in the beginning RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH! I need a nap.

Quite honestly, I don’t truly care about their title, I’ve sat under great and so-so Pastors and Reverends. I’m looking for the pure undiluted WORD (keep your politics to yourself). There are men and women of God who spoke and are still speaking life into my ministry. I must be still and obedient in my wait for our new church home . . . thanks for hanging in there and reading with me!

Sigh ~ no ministries were maligned in this post.

So you want to be a writer……

Just sharing this food for thought:

So You Want to Be a Writer
By Charles Bukowski

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.  and there never was.